The Sibling Effect

 Are you an older sister/younger brother/middle child?
An only?

 Of late I'm enthralled with books on birth order and child-rearing. Jeffrey Kluger's The Sibling Effect is an eye-opener and life-changing in how I view my older sister.

 Photo Istanbul Street Kittens

Listen to a terrific interview with Kluger on NPR. I'll be quoting him liberally here.

'What goes on in the playroom is a little bit like kittens wrestling. Kittens aren't really trying to hurt one another when they bite each other in the neck. They always hold back. But what they learn when they're wrestling is what they'll use later when they do kill a mouse'.

 What is it with older sisters/brothers vs. younger sibs?

'true that firstborns will be the most successful.
They will be the ones who earn the most.
They will be the ones who are most loyal to the family, most driven to achieve in traditional ways.
They will also be the tallest, even if it's only by a few centimeters, and they tend to have higher IQs by about 3 points over the second-born.

Rules are looser for younger sibs and they get priviledges earlier - they tend to be wilder, more innovative, more empathic, more observant.

mais oui

 Does this carry over into later life?
Does it effect how we deal with others?

I recently chatted with an old friend who bosses me around.

I asked her,"Are you an older sister?"

"Of course." she said.

Ha. That explains everything.

 What about 'onlys'?

'Kids who grow up in a single-child playroom and kids who grow up in a multiple-child playroom tend to have different approaches to the world and tend to have somewhat different conflict resolution skills'.

 '21 of the first 23 astronauts were either firstborns or onlys'

 Were you a middle-born child?

 Middle children sometimes lose out on special attention but they develop coping skills by becoming observant.

 Perhaps you're a member of a large family?
Birth order can change with divorce/remariage sometimes in your favor or not.
So many variations on a theme.

 Were you Mom's favorite?
Or Dad's?

 Younger sibs may or may not mimic their older sibs. 'Siblings who hope to stand out in a family often do so by observing what the older child does and then doing the opposite'. Boy, me to a T.

 My niece says my sister and I are different as chalk and cheese.

Yet Kluger repeatedly points out, your siblings are the ones who know you longest and best.

'To have  siblings and not make the most of that resource is squandering one of the greatest interpersonal resources you'll ever have'.

Kluger's book is full of personal family anecdotes (often hilarious) balanced with scientific data.
Read the 1st chapter on Amazon and see if you're not hooked.

Bonjour Siblings!